Friday, November 12, 2010


Wow what a grate movie I have just saw! It's called Avatari and it's about an ancient race of Smurfs who like to shoot arrows and ride dinosaurs! What an exciting adventure this was! First a young handicapped boy name Jake Soolies went to space to meet some astronots. But then he went to sleep and dreamed he was a Smurf with long hairs on his head like Brett Michael of Posions fame. But his dream turned out to be a nightmare after all! when a group of mad army men with robot friends came to break some trees! Why will they do this! The trees looked very nice, and the had brite spaghetti hanging on them, but the army men wanted to dig a hole so the spaghetti trees had to be killed.

Sometimes Jake woke up and ate eggs with the sciencetists but mainly he slept and had dreams about Avatari, the planet where the Smurfs lived! In one dream that gave me a randy sensation on my secret part, Jake Soolies made sex with a Smurfette! I wondered why he would want to make a Smurfette do sex on him, but then one later time I saw that Smurfettes knockers when her necklace flew up, and then I wanted to make sex with her too! I would like to kiss her bluish skin and feel her pointy ears rubbing on my neck piece as we rolled in the glowing piles of clovers that cover the floor on Avatari! Soon I would couple with her and we would be one big blue thing.

Jake also defeated the Army men with some helps from the other Smurfs. So the Army men felt sad and left without ever digging their hole, even though they did break the biggest tree in the world! But Jake stayed there, and some tiny jelly fish made him an honorary Smurf so he could stay on Avatari and keep haveing odd relations with his lady friend! What a randy movie! It left me feeling so surprised...I wanted to go to sleep like Jake Soolies and wake up in Avatari under a spaghetti tree with a Smurfette! Lickily for me my girlfriend Sandra came over and so I made her out on a blue shirt, and a blue hat, and a blue pants, and I pretended I couldn't walk and we made hot sweat covered whoopie on my ottoman!

I love Avatari so much I bought it on DVD, and BlueRays DVD, and also I am ordeing some copies of the Three-Disc Extended Collector's Edition. I hope they will make a Five-Disc Extended Collector's Prequel edition!

*Update: My friend who works at Best Buys©® told me that George Lucas came in today and bought some computers so they can make another Avatair Movie!!

**Another Update: Sandra brought a disguise of an Avatarish Smurfette and a wheelchair for our date on Tuesday! We went to a bar, drank alcoholic beer then came home where we ate a very sensual meal of rice , chicken pieces, and garlic loaf before she rolled me to my bedroom where we pretended to be on our own adult movie. I posted a few picture here, but they said I could only put the one from the bar!

Buy a copy of a Three-Disc Extended Collector's Edition of Avatars NOW!!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Stand up to Gonorrhea!

Thanks to all of you who came out to the First Annual "Andy Cohen & Families Against Gonorrhea BBQ and Sack Race". I'd like to personally apologize for the lack of side dishes - specifically the potato salad that Todd© and his new "girlfriend" promised to bring. (they were probably too busy sucking face and giving each other foot massages to come out and help us fight gonorrhea!) I'd also like to take a moment to apologize for the chaos that ensued when the Sheriff's Department arrived shut down the festivities early. I didn't realize the terms of my probation prohibited me from being less than 50 feet from alcoholic beverages or children under the age of consent. And I still feel that there was no need for the officers to draw their weapons!

And finally, I'd like to make a special apology to all of the parents for the "Eff Gonorrhea!" t-shirts I handed out on Saturday. I was very explicit with my printer that the shirts were to read "Don't Eff Gonorrhea!". I apologize for the mixed message this most certainly must have sent to your children.

This years event was an unprecedented hit! We raised nearly $135 to help combat this silent killer! Thanks for making it a success! Don't forget to collect that pledge money!

Anyhow, next years "Andy Cohen & Families Against Gonorrhea BBQ and Sack Race!" is already being planned and is scheduled for Saturday November 5, 2011. So get ready for a great time of food, fun, and fellowship!