Monday, July 26, 2010

Caribbean Drug Kingpin escapes only to be caught in even more elaborate disguise.

Caribbean drug kingpin Christopher "Dudus" Coke, escaped federal custody early Monday morning in Tampa, Florida only to be caught several hours later in West Palm Beach dressed in an even more elaborate disguise than the cross dressing inspired outfit he was wearing during his initial arrest late last June. An agent speaking to WMTDS east coast bureau chief Ted Randleman under the promise of anonymity said that "Dudus" was found at a public playground dressed in an pair of OshKoshB'Gosh® overalls, a child's hat from Baby Gap®.

"When I first saw him he reminded me of that little midget guy from that Wayan's brothers movie. Then I thought maybe he was one of those people that ages real fast or something." said Sandra Valdez of Tallahassee, adding "It's just scary to think that a drug lord was on the jungle gym with my son. I mean what is this world coming to when my own kid can't be safe from these kinds of a scumsbags?"

"Dudus" was returned to Tampa where he is awaiting trial. When he's not riding the "A-train", he enjoys playing shuffle board and breaking rule #2. Look it up.

Please Pray For Todd's Speedy Recovery. Read On...Won't You?

We are sad to announce that our Editor and Head Writer Todd is currently in a stress induced coma, but resting well at the St. Joseph Celebrity Hospital in North Hollywood. Some of you may have noticed a lack of posting for the past several months, now you know why. We had hoped to keep Todd's condition under wraps, but after an emergency board meeting on Friday night at the temporary offices in Burbank, it was determined that, in the interest of full disclosure to our shareholders, the information could no longer be suppressed. We are asking all shareholders not to panic and sell, as we believe a miracle will be seen in the next 7 to 10 days.

We are holding a prayer vigil starting this Friday at the First Unitarian Church of the Holy Word in Fresno. The prayer vigil will lead up to a special service Saturday night where we believe that we will see Todd miraculously restored before your very eyes. St. Edward's Hospital has agreed to allow us to bring Todd's flaccid, vegetable-like body to the church for the miracle based service, featuring a touching rendition of "Piano Man'" by our very own Darryl T. Evans, and a premature eulogy by Andy Stormcrow Cohen. Tickets for the "Step Away From The Light And Come Back To Us Todd" - 2010 Miracle Service are on sale at participating Tom Thumb Grocery Outlets. Please join us for this special time of prayer and fellowship. Cookies and fruit punch will be served in the fellowship hall following the service. Selah.