Monday, July 26, 2010

Please Pray For Todd's Speedy Recovery. Read On...Won't You?

We are sad to announce that our Editor and Head Writer Todd is currently in a stress induced coma, but resting well at the St. Joseph Celebrity Hospital in North Hollywood. Some of you may have noticed a lack of posting for the past several months, now you know why. We had hoped to keep Todd's condition under wraps, but after an emergency board meeting on Friday night at the temporary offices in Burbank, it was determined that, in the interest of full disclosure to our shareholders, the information could no longer be suppressed. We are asking all shareholders not to panic and sell, as we believe a miracle will be seen in the next 7 to 10 days.

We are holding a prayer vigil starting this Friday at the First Unitarian Church of the Holy Word in Fresno. The prayer vigil will lead up to a special service Saturday night where we believe that we will see Todd miraculously restored before your very eyes. St. Edward's Hospital has agreed to allow us to bring Todd's flaccid, vegetable-like body to the church for the miracle based service, featuring a touching rendition of "Piano Man'" by our very own Darryl T. Evans, and a premature eulogy by Andy Stormcrow Cohen. Tickets for the "Step Away From The Light And Come Back To Us Todd" - 2010 Miracle Service are on sale at participating Tom Thumb Grocery Outlets. Please join us for this special time of prayer and fellowship. Cookies and fruit punch will be served in the fellowship hall following the service. Selah.

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