Friday, November 12, 2010


Wow what a grate movie I have just saw! It's called Avatari and it's about an ancient race of Smurfs who like to shoot arrows and ride dinosaurs! What an exciting adventure this was! First a young handicapped boy name Jake Soolies went to space to meet some astronots. But then he went to sleep and dreamed he was a Smurf with long hairs on his head like Brett Michael of Posions fame. But his dream turned out to be a nightmare after all! when a group of mad army men with robot friends came to break some trees! Why will they do this! The trees looked very nice, and the had brite spaghetti hanging on them, but the army men wanted to dig a hole so the spaghetti trees had to be killed.

Sometimes Jake woke up and ate eggs with the sciencetists but mainly he slept and had dreams about Avatari, the planet where the Smurfs lived! In one dream that gave me a randy sensation on my secret part, Jake Soolies made sex with a Smurfette! I wondered why he would want to make a Smurfette do sex on him, but then one later time I saw that Smurfettes knockers when her necklace flew up, and then I wanted to make sex with her too! I would like to kiss her bluish skin and feel her pointy ears rubbing on my neck piece as we rolled in the glowing piles of clovers that cover the floor on Avatari! Soon I would couple with her and we would be one big blue thing.

Jake also defeated the Army men with some helps from the other Smurfs. So the Army men felt sad and left without ever digging their hole, even though they did break the biggest tree in the world! But Jake stayed there, and some tiny jelly fish made him an honorary Smurf so he could stay on Avatari and keep haveing odd relations with his lady friend! What a randy movie! It left me feeling so surprised...I wanted to go to sleep like Jake Soolies and wake up in Avatari under a spaghetti tree with a Smurfette! Lickily for me my girlfriend Sandra came over and so I made her out on a blue shirt, and a blue hat, and a blue pants, and I pretended I couldn't walk and we made hot sweat covered whoopie on my ottoman!

I love Avatari so much I bought it on DVD, and BlueRays DVD, and also I am ordeing some copies of the Three-Disc Extended Collector's Edition. I hope they will make a Five-Disc Extended Collector's Prequel edition!

*Update: My friend who works at Best Buys©® told me that George Lucas came in today and bought some computers so they can make another Avatair Movie!!

**Another Update: Sandra brought a disguise of an Avatarish Smurfette and a wheelchair for our date on Tuesday! We went to a bar, drank alcoholic beer then came home where we ate a very sensual meal of rice , chicken pieces, and garlic loaf before she rolled me to my bedroom where we pretended to be on our own adult movie. I posted a few picture here, but they said I could only put the one from the bar!

Buy a copy of a Three-Disc Extended Collector's Edition of Avatars NOW!!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Stand up to Gonorrhea!

Thanks to all of you who came out to the First Annual "Andy Cohen & Families Against Gonorrhea BBQ and Sack Race". I'd like to personally apologize for the lack of side dishes - specifically the potato salad that Todd© and his new "girlfriend" promised to bring. (they were probably too busy sucking face and giving each other foot massages to come out and help us fight gonorrhea!) I'd also like to take a moment to apologize for the chaos that ensued when the Sheriff's Department arrived shut down the festivities early. I didn't realize the terms of my probation prohibited me from being less than 50 feet from alcoholic beverages or children under the age of consent. And I still feel that there was no need for the officers to draw their weapons!

And finally, I'd like to make a special apology to all of the parents for the "Eff Gonorrhea!" t-shirts I handed out on Saturday. I was very explicit with my printer that the shirts were to read "Don't Eff Gonorrhea!". I apologize for the mixed message this most certainly must have sent to your children.

This years event was an unprecedented hit! We raised nearly $135 to help combat this silent killer! Thanks for making it a success! Don't forget to collect that pledge money!

Anyhow, next years "Andy Cohen & Families Against Gonorrhea BBQ and Sack Race!" is already being planned and is scheduled for Saturday November 5, 2011. So get ready for a great time of food, fun, and fellowship!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Coaled Storage by Todd of Todd Reviews©

Wow! What a terrifying movie i have just seen! it was a docudrama called Coaled Storage and it is also a scary romantic comedy about Clyve Mercer, a Greek Fishermen who, lives in Tennessees, his girlfriends Rosalee I and II and his friend Luther. As i watched this movie I felt very scared that i would someday find myself in the same shoes as Rosalee I, who was the lady who was visiting Clyves house before Luther invited her over for the sleepover that turned out so bad! If you ever see this movie make sure you sit on a trashbag or at least have someone with you, or you might acsidentally go weewee on your couch out of scaredness like I did! Now guess what? I have to pay
Blackman Moreing Corporation of North America $75 just to make it smell like a regular couch again! Also I spilled some milk on it one time and it smelled like old cheese for a long time! See Coaled Storage Today!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Goodbye Pearl.

We are sad to announce that our long time cleaning lady, and part time model Pearl has left Who Made That Dirty Sound to pursue a career cleaning stuff up in Heaven... we hope. Always there with a hateful diatribe or a harsh word for the staff, Pearl was very near and dear to our hearts. The world won't be the same without you Pearl. May your Judgment be swift and merciful.

Ho's Before Bro's

I know this ain't no "food review" per say, but I gotta get this one off my chest - I don't know who the hell came up this "Bro's before Ho's" horsesh*t, but you can bet your asshole he ain't never had no woman bed down with him. Let me tell you something "Bro", if you think I'm gonna choose a bunch of hairy dudes sitting around talking about getting some tail over going home with a sweet little ho of my own and actually getting me some, well... you bout as stupid as you look. You "Bro's" can sit around and sniff each others farts all night for all I care, as for me, I'm gonna be going home with a real nice, supple piece of a and giving her what her daddy never gave her, if you take my meaning. So eat that "Bros", you bunch of limp-wristed Elton John wannabe's.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Caribbean Drug Kingpin escapes only to be caught in even more elaborate disguise.

Caribbean drug kingpin Christopher "Dudus" Coke, escaped federal custody early Monday morning in Tampa, Florida only to be caught several hours later in West Palm Beach dressed in an even more elaborate disguise than the cross dressing inspired outfit he was wearing during his initial arrest late last June. An agent speaking to WMTDS east coast bureau chief Ted Randleman under the promise of anonymity said that "Dudus" was found at a public playground dressed in an pair of OshKoshB'Gosh® overalls, a child's hat from Baby Gap®.

"When I first saw him he reminded me of that little midget guy from that Wayan's brothers movie. Then I thought maybe he was one of those people that ages real fast or something." said Sandra Valdez of Tallahassee, adding "It's just scary to think that a drug lord was on the jungle gym with my son. I mean what is this world coming to when my own kid can't be safe from these kinds of a scumsbags?"

"Dudus" was returned to Tampa where he is awaiting trial. When he's not riding the "A-train", he enjoys playing shuffle board and breaking rule #2. Look it up.

Please Pray For Todd's Speedy Recovery. Read On...Won't You?

We are sad to announce that our Editor and Head Writer Todd is currently in a stress induced coma, but resting well at the St. Joseph Celebrity Hospital in North Hollywood. Some of you may have noticed a lack of posting for the past several months, now you know why. We had hoped to keep Todd's condition under wraps, but after an emergency board meeting on Friday night at the temporary offices in Burbank, it was determined that, in the interest of full disclosure to our shareholders, the information could no longer be suppressed. We are asking all shareholders not to panic and sell, as we believe a miracle will be seen in the next 7 to 10 days.

We are holding a prayer vigil starting this Friday at the First Unitarian Church of the Holy Word in Fresno. The prayer vigil will lead up to a special service Saturday night where we believe that we will see Todd miraculously restored before your very eyes. St. Edward's Hospital has agreed to allow us to bring Todd's flaccid, vegetable-like body to the church for the miracle based service, featuring a touching rendition of "Piano Man'" by our very own Darryl T. Evans, and a premature eulogy by Andy Stormcrow Cohen. Tickets for the "Step Away From The Light And Come Back To Us Todd" - 2010 Miracle Service are on sale at participating Tom Thumb Grocery Outlets. Please join us for this special time of prayer and fellowship. Cookies and fruit punch will be served in the fellowship hall following the service. Selah.

Monday, March 29, 2010

2012: Then End of Times!

Wow! I just found out we only have two years left to live. WTD?! I rented the movie 2012s: Noah's Revenge this week from the popular dvd club Netflix this week! In this movie was Joan Cusacks, Manda Peets, Samuel Glover, and a poodle. What an eye opening movie this was. Apparently the Mayas got tired of making calendars and stopped at 2012, so the world is going to crack up and turn into water in two years. Good thing I saw this movie. I've started building my own ark so I wont have to fly to China and sneak onto the ones over there! If You didn't see 2012s yet. You should call Netflix and have it sent to you so you know what to expect. I watched it with my lady friend Sandra (Who also recently won the Best Buns Competition on our spring break related trip to Cleveland.) After words I loaned the disc WMTDS food critic Darryl T. Evans so he could watch it with his girlfriend Terry and her three children Jaden (10), Lexi (6), and Tanqueray (4). After words Darryl had a Q&A to help the kids deal with what they had saw. He recorded it and am posting the transcript here for you to share with you childrens too also:

Darryl: Okay kids, that's what we got to look forward to. Ya'll got you some questions?

Lexi: Why did all those people die Mr.Darryl?

Darryl: They died because they didn't have themselves a boat, and because they was athiests.

Jaden: We don't have a boat Mr.Darryl, are we gonna die too?

Darryl: I must admit, some of us in this room is gonna die, but I'm building a boat that will hold three or four of us.

Lexi: Who gets to go on the boat?

Darryl: Well your mother and I are in for that leaves room for one of you and maybe Tanqueray if he doesn't get fat like the two of you.

Lexi: Can't you just build a bigger boat.

Darryl: Well I could Lexi, if I was made of money. And plus it's a sh*tload of work building a boat and I still have to work over at the website to put food in your ungrateful little mouths.

Jaden: Well I'm gonna build my own boat and take Mommy and Lexi and Bubba and my real Daddy too.

Terri: Oh Jaden...

Darryl: Don't make me laugh Jaden. You can't even finish that video game your momma spent all of her tip money to get you for your birthday. You expect us to believe that you gonna finish a boat. (Laughing) Hell you and your boat'd sink faster than a fat lady tied to an engine block.

Jaden: I will build a boat! And it'll be bigger and better than your stupid boat. You'll see.

Terri: Jaden! Don't you talk to mama's boyfriend like that. I'm sorry Darryl. I knew I should've left him with his step daddy. The apple don't fall too far from the tree.

Darryl: You got that right baby. Jaden you just got yourself a demerit. And that puts you square in last place boy. You better nut up and shut up if you want on my ark boy.

Lexi: Mr. Darryl, can I bring Tabatha with me?

Darryl: Hell no we ain't bringing no dolls on my boat. Besides, you ain't gonna have time for playing make believe when the sh*t hits the fan baby.

Jaden: I hate you!

Darryl: Good, then the feeling is mutual. Oh, and that's another demerit. Keep it up and you'll be swimming with the heathens.

Terri: Jaden, apologize to Darryl right now or I'm calling your step daddy to come get you.

Jaden: I'm sorry.

Darryl: I'll bet you are - I'll bet you're real sorry-like. Alright, are we done here? I need to get your momma into the bedsack before I get too tired.

Terri: Darryl you are a naughty naughty boy.

Darryl: Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet. I borrowed my sister's credit card and ordered us a whole mess a' goodies off one of them online sex stores. You in for the best 2 month anniversary you ever did have.

The WMTDS censors won't allow us to post the rest of the transcript oh here due to sexually explicit materials.

Rent 2012's today and start beginning to get ready for the end of the worlds. Thumb's up!

Monday, February 1, 2010

"Win A Date With Todd" Canceled Due to FCC ruling.

Dear all fans. We are sorry to announce that the "Win A Date With Todd" e-raffle has been canceled due to an FCC ruling handed down this morning. An injunction filed in Louisiana's 5th circuit court of appeals last Friday on behalf of the FCC, has barred WMTDS from proceeding with plans to allow one lucky fan a night of hot passion with Todd of Todd's Reviews fame.

The winner was to be flown to Corpus Christi, where a private boat (chartered by WMTDS of North America LLC.) would then shuttle the winner and Todd into international waters for a sexually charged rendezvous after a 3 star meal including veal, focaccia loafs, and your choice of red or pink wine. Our attorneys are working with the State Dept. to find terms we can all agree with, they assure us that the contest will be allowed to go ahead very soon. We're doing everything we can. We'll keep you posted.

Hey look...another new post from Darryl right down there! ain't no Denny's.

I just went and ate at an ihop for the first time last night, and let me tell you one thing. IHOP ain't no Denny's! I asked for the Grand Slam and the waitress laughed so hard the broke wind. I decided after my experience to go on ahead and write me a one man play called "F**K IHOP!" Here's a sample from the first act.

Now you gotta picture this waitress, she looked like she just ate her own weight in pig scraps and washed it down with bacon grease. She had to butter her thighs to get into her XXXXL stretch pants. And her rear looked like a topographical map of the surface of the moon. You get what I'm saying...she was a fat pig.'s you a taste of "F**K IHOP!" by Darryl T. Evans

Act 1 Scene 2

Waitress: Welcome to the ihop I'm Sandra. What can I get for you tonight?
Me: I'll just have me a Grand Slam with a side of summer sausage and some extra grits.
Waitress: (Laughing like a morbidly obese hyena) We don't have no Grand Slam here.
Me: Well then, uh, I guess make it a Moon Over My Hammy.
Waitress: (Trying to stop laughing like a morbidly obese hyena) Ain't got that neither.
Me: Well then what the hell do you have?
Waitress: (Finally done laughing, but big blubbery gut still shaking) We got the Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity and the Super Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity.
Me: The what?
Waitress: The Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity.
Me: What in the name of all that is good in the world is that?
Waitress: Well it comes with two pancakes with your choice of strawberry, apple-cinnamon or blueberry fruit jelly and whipping cream. Now the Super Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity also has eggs, bacon, sausage and hash browns.
Me: I don't know what you just said to me, but I'm about to haul my ass outta this sh*t-hole. I saw a dead raccoon on the side of the road about a mile back, I think I'll go eat that instead of the bunk you're peddling here.
Waitress: Good, get on outta here 'fore I call the law on you and your foul mouth.
Me: My mouth would only be foul if I shoved your feces-ridden tripe into it.

Well I think you get the general idea. The script is only about half done at the moment, but I'm planning on debuting it this spring. So check back for ticket information and what not.

Oh yeah...and F**K YOU IHOP!