Remembering the Ropers!

We miss you!

AVATARI

Wow what a grate movie I have just saw! It's called Avatari and it's about an ancient race of Smurfs who like to shoot arrows and ride dinosaurs! What an exciting adventure this was! First a young handicapped boy name Jake Soolies went to space to meet some astronots. But then he went to sleep and dreamed he was a Smurf with long hairs on his head like Brett Michael of Posions fame. But his dream turned out to be a nightmare after all! when a group of mad army men with robot friends came to break some trees! Why will they do this! The trees looked very nice, and the had brite spaghetti hanging on them, but the army men wanted to dig a hole so the spaghetti trees had to be killed.

Sometimes Jake woke up and ate eggs with the sciencetists but mainly he slept and had dreams about Avatari, the planet where the Smurfs lived! In one dream that gave me a randy sensation on my secret part, Jake Soolies made sex with a Smurfette! I wondered why he would want to make a Smurfette do sex on him, but then one later time I saw that Smurfettes knockers when her necklace flew up, and then I wanted to make sex with her too! I would like to kiss her bluish skin and feel her pointy ears rubbing on my neck piece as we rolled in the glowing piles of clovers that cover the floor on Avatari! Soon I would couple with her and we would be one big blue thing.

Jake also defeated the Army men with some helps from the other Smurfs. So the Army men felt sad and left without ever digging their hole, even though they did break the biggest tree in the world! But Jake stayed there, and some tiny jelly fish made him an honorary Smurf so he could stay on Avatari and keep haveing odd relations with his lady friend! What a randy movie! It left me feeling so surprised...I wanted to go to sleep like Jake Soolies and wake up in Avatari under a spaghetti tree with a Smurfette! Lickily for me my girlfriend Sandra came over and so I made her out on a blue shirt, and a blue hat, and a blue pants, and I pretended I couldn't walk and we made hot sweat covered whoopie on my ottoman!

I love Avatari so much I bought it on DVD, and BlueRays DVD, and also I am ordeing some copies of the Three-Disc Extended Collector's Edition. I hope they will make a Five-Disc Extended Collector's Prequel edition!

*Update: My friend who works at Best Buys©® told me that George Lucas came in today and bought some computers so they can make another Avatair Movie!!

**Another Update: Sandra brought a disguise of an Avatarish Smurfette and a wheelchair for our date on Tuesday! We went to a bar, drank alcoholic beer then came home where we ate a very sensual meal of rice , chicken pieces, and garlic loaf before she rolled me to my bedroom where we pretended to be on our own adult movie. I posted a few picture here, but they said I could only put the one from the bar!

Buy a copy of a Three-Disc Extended Collector's Edition of Avatars NOW!!!

Stand up to Gonorrhea!

Thanks to all of you who came out to the First Annual "Andy Cohen & Families Against Gonorrhea BBQ and Sack Race". I'd like to personally apologize for the lack of side dishes - specifically the potato salad that Todd© and his new "girlfriend" promised to bring. (they were probably too busy sucking face and giving each other foot massages to come out and help us fight gonorrhea!) I'd also like to take a moment to apologize for the chaos that ensued when the Sheriff's Department arrived shut down the festivities early. I didn't realize the terms of my probation prohibited me from being less than 50 feet from alcoholic beverages or children under the age of consent. And I still feel that there was no need for the officers to draw their weapons!

And finally, I'd like to make a special apology to all of the parents for the "Eff Gonorrhea!" t-shirts I handed out on Saturday. I was very explicit with my printer that the shirts were to read "Don't Eff Gonorrhea!". I apologize for the mixed message this most certainly must have sent to your children.

This years event was an unprecedented hit! We raised nearly $135 to help combat this silent killer! Thanks for making it a success! Don't forget to collect that pledge money!

Anyhow, next years "Andy Cohen & Families Against Gonorrhea BBQ and Sack Race!" is already being planned and is scheduled for Saturday November 5, 2011. So get ready for a great time of food, fun, and fellowship!

Coaled Storage by Todd of Todd Reviews©

Wow! What a terrifying movie i have just seen! it was a docudrama called Coaled Storage and it is also a scary romantic comedy about Clyve Mercer, a Greek Fishermen who, lives in Tennessees, his girlfriends Rosalee I and II and his friend Luther. As i watched this movie I felt very scared that i would someday find myself in the same shoes as Rosalee I, who was the lady who was visiting Clyves house before Luther invited her over for the sleepover that turned out so bad! If you ever see this movie make sure you sit on a trashbag or at least have someone with you, or you might acsidentally go weewee on your couch out of scaredness like I did! Now guess what? I have to pay Blackman Moreing Corporation of North America $75 just to make it smell like a regular couch again! Also I spilled some milk on it one time and it smelled like old cheese for a long time! See Coaled Storage Today!

Goodbye Pearl.

We are sad to announce that our long time cleaning lady, and part time model Pearl has left Who Made That Dirty Sound to pursue a career cleaning stuff up in Heaven... we hope. Always there with a hateful diatribe or a harsh word for the staff, Pearl was very near and dear to our hearts. The world won't be the same without you Pearl. May your Judgment be swift and merciful.

Ho's Before Bro's

I know this ain't no "food review" per say, but I gotta get this one off my chest - I don't know who the hell came up this "Bro's before Ho's" horsesh*t, but you can bet your asshole he ain't never had no woman bed down with him. Let me tell you something "Bro", if you think I'm gonna choose a bunch of hairy dudes sitting around talking about getting some tail over going home with a sweet little ho of my own and actually getting me some, well... you bout as stupid as you look. You "Bro's" can sit around and sniff each others farts all night for all I care, as for me, I'm gonna be going home with a real nice, supple piece of a and giving her what her daddy never gave her, if you take my meaning. So eat that "Bros", you bunch of limp-wristed Elton John wannabe's.

Caribbean Drug Kingpin escapes only to be caught in even more elaborate disguise.

Caribbean drug kingpin Christopher "Dudus" Coke, escaped federal custody early Monday morning in Tampa, Florida only to be caught several hours later in West Palm Beach dressed in an even more elaborate disguise than the cross dressing inspired outfit he was wearing during his initial arrest late last June. An agent speaking to WMTDS east coast bureau chief Ted Randleman under the promise of anonymity said that "Dudus" was found at a public playground dressed in an pair of OshKoshB'Gosh® overalls, a child's hat from Baby Gap®.

"When I first saw him he reminded me of that little midget guy from that Wayan's brothers movie. Then I thought maybe he was one of those people that ages real fast or something." said Sandra Valdez of Tallahassee, adding "It's just scary to think that a drug lord was on the jungle gym with my son. I mean what is this world coming to when my own kid can't be safe from these kinds of a scumsbags?"

"Dudus" was returned to Tampa where he is awaiting trial. When he's not riding the "A-train", he enjoys playing shuffle board and breaking rule #2. Look it up.

Please Pray For Todd's Speedy Recovery. Read On...Won't You?

We are sad to announce that our Editor and Head Writer Todd is currently in a stress induced coma, but resting well at the St. Joseph Celebrity Hospital in North Hollywood. Some of you may have noticed a lack of posting for the past several months, now you know why. We had hoped to keep Todd's condition under wraps, but after an emergency board meeting on Friday night at the temporary whomadethatdirtysound.com offices in Burbank, it was determined that, in the interest of full disclosure to our shareholders, the information could no longer be suppressed. We are asking all shareholders not to panic and sell, as we believe a miracle will be seen in the next 7 to 10 days.

We are holding a prayer vigil starting this Friday at the First Unitarian Church of the Holy Word in Fresno. The prayer vigil will lead up to a special service Saturday night where we believe that we will see Todd miraculously restored before your very eyes. St. Edward's Hospital has agreed to allow us to bring Todd's flaccid, vegetable-like body to the church for the miracle based service, featuring a touching rendition of "Piano Man'" by our very own Darryl T. Evans, and a premature eulogy by Andy Stormcrow Cohen. Tickets for the "Step Away From The Light And Come Back To Us Todd" - 2010 Miracle Service are on sale at participating Tom Thumb Grocery Outlets. Please join us for this special time of prayer and fellowship. Cookies and fruit punch will be served in the fellowship hall following the service. Selah.

2012: Then End of Times!

Wow! I just found out we only have two years left to live. WTD?! I rented the movie 2012s: Noah's Revenge this week from the popular dvd club Netflix this week! In this movie was Joan Cusacks, Manda Peets, Samuel Glover, and a poodle. What an eye opening movie this was. Apparently the Mayas got tired of making calendars and stopped at 2012, so the world is going to crack up and turn into water in two years. Good thing I saw this movie. I've started building my own ark so I wont have to fly to China and sneak onto the ones over there! If You didn't see 2012s yet. You should call Netflix and have it sent to you so you know what to expect. I watched it with my lady friend Sandra (Who also recently won the Best Buns Competition on our spring break related trip to Cleveland.) After words I loaned the disc WMTDS food critic Darryl T. Evans so he could watch it with his girlfriend Terry and her three children Jaden (10), Lexi (6), and Tanqueray (4). After words Darryl had a Q&A to help the kids deal with what they had saw. He recorded it and am posting the transcript here for you to share with you childrens too also:

Darryl: Okay kids, that's what we got to look forward to. Ya'll got you some questions?

Lexi: Why did all those people die Mr.Darryl?

Darryl: They died because they didn't have themselves a boat, and because they was athiests.

Jaden: We don't have a boat Mr.Darryl, are we gonna die too?

Darryl: I must admit, some of us in this room is gonna die, but I'm building a boat that will hold three or four of us.

Lexi: Who gets to go on the boat?

Darryl: Well your mother and I are in for sure...so that leaves room for one of you and maybe Tanqueray if he doesn't get fat like the two of you.

Lexi: Can't you just build a bigger boat.

Darryl: Well I could Lexi, if I was made of money. And plus it's a sh*tload of work building a boat and I still have to work over at the website to put food in your ungrateful little mouths.

Jaden: Well I'm gonna build my own boat and take Mommy and Lexi and Bubba and my real Daddy too.

Terri: Oh Jaden...

Darryl: Don't make me laugh Jaden. You can't even finish that video game your momma spent all of her tip money to get you for your birthday. You expect us to believe that you gonna finish a boat. (Laughing) Hell you and your boat'd sink faster than a fat lady tied to an engine block.

Jaden: I will build a boat! And it'll be bigger and better than your stupid boat. You'll see.

Terri: Jaden! Don't you talk to mama's boyfriend like that. I'm sorry Darryl. I knew I should've left him with his step daddy. The apple don't fall too far from the tree.

Darryl: You got that right baby. Jaden you just got yourself a demerit. And that puts you square in last place boy. You better nut up and shut up if you want on my ark boy.

Lexi: Mr. Darryl, can I bring Tabatha with me?

Darryl: Hell no we ain't bringing no dolls on my boat. Besides, you ain't gonna have time for playing make believe when the sh*t hits the fan baby.

Jaden: I hate you!

Darryl: Good, then the feeling is mutual. Oh, and that's another demerit. Keep it up and you'll be swimming with the heathens.

Terri: Jaden, apologize to Darryl right now or I'm calling your step daddy to come get you.

Jaden: I'm sorry.

Darryl: I'll bet you are - I'll bet you're real sorry-like. Alright, are we done here? I need to get your momma into the bedsack before I get too tired.

Terri: Darryl you are a naughty naughty boy.

Darryl: Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet. I borrowed my sister's credit card and ordered us a whole mess a' goodies off one of them online sex stores. You in for the best 2 month anniversary you ever did have.

The WMTDS censors won't allow us to post the rest of the transcript oh here due to sexually explicit materials.

Rent 2012's today and start beginning to get ready for the end of the worlds. Thumb's up!

"Win A Date With Todd" Canceled Due to FCC ruling.

Dear all fans. We are sorry to announce that the "Win A Date With Todd" e-raffle has been canceled due to an FCC ruling handed down this morning. An injunction filed in Louisiana's 5th circuit court of appeals last Friday on behalf of the FCC, has barred WMTDS from proceeding with plans to allow one lucky fan a night of hot passion with Todd of Todd's Reviews fame.

The winner was to be flown to Corpus Christi, where a private boat (chartered by WMTDS of North America LLC.) would then shuttle the winner and Todd into international waters for a sexually charged rendezvous after a 3 star meal including veal, focaccia loafs, and your choice of red or pink wine. Our attorneys are working with the State Dept. to find terms we can all agree with, they assure us that the contest will be allowed to go ahead very soon. We're doing everything we can. We'll keep you posted.


Hey look...another new post from Darryl right down there!

IHOP...it ain't no Denny's.

I just went and ate at an ihop for the first time last night, and let me tell you one thing. IHOP ain't no Denny's! I asked for the Grand Slam and the waitress laughed so hard the broke wind. I decided after my experience to go on ahead and write me a one man play called "F**K IHOP!" Here's a sample from the first act.

Now you gotta picture this waitress, she looked like she just ate her own weight in pig scraps and washed it down with bacon grease. She had to butter her thighs to get into her XXXXL stretch pants. And her rear looked like a topographical map of the surface of the moon. You get what I'm saying...she was a fat pig. Anyhow...here's you a taste of "F**K IHOP!" by Darryl T. Evans

Act 1 Scene 2

Waitress: Welcome to the ihop I'm Sandra. What can I get for you tonight?
Me: I'll just have me a Grand Slam with a side of summer sausage and some extra grits.
Waitress: (Laughing like a morbidly obese hyena) We don't have no Grand Slam here.
Me: Well then, uh, I guess make it a Moon Over My Hammy.
Waitress: (Trying to stop laughing like a morbidly obese hyena) Ain't got that neither.
Me: Well then what the hell do you have?
Waitress: (Finally done laughing, but big blubbery gut still shaking) We got the Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity and the Super Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity.
Me: The what?
Waitress: The Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity.
Me: What in the name of all that is good in the world is that?
Waitress: Well it comes with two pancakes with your choice of strawberry, apple-cinnamon or blueberry fruit jelly and whipping cream. Now the Super Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity also has eggs, bacon, sausage and hash browns.
Me: I don't know what you just said to me, but I'm about to haul my ass outta this sh*t-hole. I saw a dead raccoon on the side of the road about a mile back, I think I'll go eat that instead of the bunk you're peddling here.
Waitress: Good, get on outta here 'fore I call the law on you and your foul mouth.
Me: My mouth would only be foul if I shoved your feces-ridden tripe into it.

Well I think you get the general idea. The script is only about half done at the moment, but I'm planning on debuting it this spring. So check back for ticket information and what not.

Oh yeah...and F**K YOU IHOP!

Terminator Salvations

Wow what a grate movie, I just watched. It was Terminator Salvations IV starring Christian Bales of Batman fame. Move over The Dark Knight, you just got punked by John Connors. I couldn't believe my eyes as I watched this great Blu-ray release. What high definition!!!!! First there is a war and then there is another war right after that. All in HIGH DEFINITIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! I thin k if you liked enjoying TERminAtors number 1, number II, but not number three.......YOU WILL love This one!! Go John Connors. I did think there was going to be Linda Hamilton's knockers in this one, but instead there were no knockers at all. D you Director McG. D you to H!! I told my lady friend Tamara to get ready for sexual heat, but instead there was just robots and bloody murder. I had to rent a on-demand dirty movie to get Tamara in the mood for love. And that didn't work either. She said she had already seen Robot Shankers 12 and that it sucked. Thanks a lot Comcasts Television Entertainnment. YOu blew my sure thing straight to H. Can I have my 9.95 dollars back already. Well Tamara left and I didn't get to third base, but I saw a real good robot movie and then watched Terminator Salvations IV too, so lose-win-win. But Tamara is coming over Thursday so maybe I'll get to got to Third Base after all. I hope must see TV is dirty this week. See Terminator Salvations IV!! By a Blu-ray of it too. It's so good it only is missing some knockers! I'll be back.

Strawberry flavored sex panties.

Last night my girlfriend Sandra come home and says "I got something you can review on that there web space of yours." I said "What in the hell are you talking about?" She says "Lookie here." and then she proceeds to take down her work britches and shows me some kind of fruit roll up lookin' of panties she has on. She says " These here is eatable underpanties, the box says they's Strawberry flavored." So I says "Well tear me off a bite". She tears off a piece and hands it too me and let me tell you, I ain't never had no strawberry that tasted like that. I don't know what they's made of but I told her, I says "Them thing's is gone rotten, you need to get your money back asap!" She run outta the room a cryin' but I didn't chase her down. I done learned the hard way to let a woman cry that sh*t out. And anyhow I was right in the middle of a Grey's Anatomy I Tivoed. I got eyes for that ol' Kathrin Heigl and that oriental gal ain't to hard to look on either. My advice, avoid flavored panties.

Twilight: New Moon

I saw Twilight New Moon last night. It was awesome. The theater was filled beautiful young ladies. They were all so excited and talkative. I offered to buy one group pop corn and soda if they let me sit with them. They said YES!! I've never felt so alive.

Star Traks IV; The Wrathe Kahn + Special Blu-ray edition.

Hey you guys! It's been a while since I wroet a review. I almost forgot how! Well this night I'm reviewing the great film by the late Tim Burton...Star Traks IV; The Wrathe Kahn. The first thing I saw on this movie was a preview of the movie Star Traks 1. The early years. Did you know Captain Kirks was a juvinile deelinkwint? ME EITHER! But he was. He even drove a car off a cliff like Selma and Louise! WOW! what an asshole! So then they showed anuther preview for Star Traks the TV show version. You could see all the details in hi res def! Blu ray is the only way now! You should throw your old TVS into the trash can and go Blu!

The movie The Wrathe Kahn focuses on a old man with long hair and big boobies. He caused me to have strange feelings when he leaned over the ships console and one of his knockers popped out from his shirt vest. How didn't he have a bra on? Tune in Tokyo! I am going to get my girlfriend Sheila a grey haired wig for this weekend.

The movie was real good except for the confusing parts. There is a worm that like to hide in peoples ears and make them act up. And there are Two space ships and a man with elf ears who is not very friendlie. I don't know how it ended because my sister called to tell me the familys plans for Thanks Day, and Star Traks IV; The Wrathe Kahn ended during that. But I bet it was good. I have to bring a side for Thanks Day so I'm thinking about some creamy caseroles. I found an recipe on www.rachelrays.coms which looks pretty creamy. I would like to cook a meal with Rachel Rays in her warm kitchen. Our necks would come close as we prepared the clippings and soon our sweat droplets would become one as we made hot passion on the counter-tops. I think the casserole will be pleasing, but I will leave out the chicken. Chicken meat is too expensive , plus my cousin Larry is a Vegen. They don't eat animal meats or bird parts.

Well I hope you all have a good Thanks Day. If you get a chance wrent Star Traks IV; The Wrathe Kahn and see it. It's so good!

WTF?! You call that a Ham Sandwich?

I don't know what you interweb people think qualifies as a Ham Sandwich but apparently those p***ies at A*by's think three slices of Ham and a slice of Cheese served on some crusty white bread is all it takes. Not where I come from brother. You'd get your ass kicked trying to peddle that sh*t in my neck of the woods. I know city folk don't have the balls to eat pork anymore, but I ain't city folk. So if you see me coming through your doors and you have a Ham Sandwich on your menu, you'd better bring it. Or I'll leave a loaf on the hood of your managers car like I did last night at A*by's. I wish I could have seen her face when she saw my brown glory. But unfortunately I was at T*co B*ll refilling my bowels.

It's lonely up here.

Seriously.

Put A Stake in Her...She's Done!

Okay, enough with the vampire movies already and the once-alluring Megan Fox as well. One too many magazine covers declaring her the new 'bad girl' and an equally ridiculous number of interviews talking about what a nympho she is. What a joke. Everyone in Hollywood is dark and edgy and they shit gold and screw like rabbits. Please. MF's a bad girl just like Avril Lavigne used to be.

>>Check out Avril's new clothing line now available at Kohl's! <<
Don't get me wrong MF is a knockout, but once the mouth opens and the noise begins, it all melts away. To make matters worse, her 'acting' voice sounds like some 1940's starlet trying to seduce Clark Gable, that or she just really likes baby talk.

As for the movie, 'Jennifer's Body' looks like a Sci-Fi original mated with Twilight and some low-level pseudo-porn. The dialogue is so forced and contrived that it makes me wonder if Diablo Cody doesn't have a 13 year old ghost writer. It's 'Juno' with fangs. The only draw is all the little boys and girls hoping to get a gander at MF doing what she does best, acting slutty. And I stress the word 'acting'. I mean, it's obvious that she's a slut, but her hyper-sexuality is such a put on. That being said, she's more than welcome to drop by and prove me wrong...but no talky talky.

P.S. Here's an unofficial and incomplete list of vampire movies from last year to next:

Beyond the Rave (2008)
Blood on the Highway (2008)
The Kiss (2008)
L.A. Gothic (2008)
Let the Right One In (2008)
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008-DVD only)
Out of the Night (2008)
True Blood (2008-HBO series)
Twilight (2008)
Zen in the Art of Slaying Vampires (2008)

The Bleeding (2009)
Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
Castlevania (2009)
The Coffin (2009)
Cirque du Freak (2009)
Daybreakers (2009)
The Dead Matter (2009)
Hello Darkness (2009)
High Midnight (2009)
The Informers (2009)
Jennifer's Body (2009)
Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)
Live Girls (2009)
PCP... A VanGuard Chronicle (2009)
Priest (2009)
The Revenant (2009)
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead (2009)
Sodium Babies (2009)
Suck (2009)
Twilight Watch (2009)
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)
Vampire in Vegas (2009)
Virulents (2009)

The Historian (2010)
The Knights Templar (2010)
Last Blood (2010)
Let the Right One In (U.S. Remake) (2010) Why do we need a remake?
New Moon (2010)
The Un-Dead (2010)

When you'e rich and famous, you can't look like an idiot...right?

...guess not.

That hamburger I just ate.

We're pleased to announce that WMTDS has a new writer, his name is Darryl and he is going to "kick it up a notch" around here as our resident food critic! Take it away Darryl...

Let's get one thing straight, I don't like doing food reviews but that dickweed boss here said that was the only job they had open.

I guess I'm going to review the hamburger I just ate. I don't remember where I got it, and there ain't a chance in hell I'm digging the wrapper out of the break room trash can. It smells like a small child died in there.
That hamburger tasted just like a hamburger should taste. DELICIOUS! First my teeth hit the bread and then there was mustard, some pickles, an onion, a cheese square and in the middle, a brownish beef patty which spat pink blood juice into my mouth as I broke it's tender outer membrane. I only wish I had found one of them arteries that occasionally get through the grinder intact. My hamburger was salty and chewy and made me remember why I love killing animals. They taste so damn good after you de-bone them, chop off there muscle parts and grind them into meat. If you don't eat cow meat you should. It tastes better than that tofukki all them nancy boys in Los Angeles eat! I might have to buy me a cow, chop him up and eat him this weekend. You should do the same and stop spending so much at Denny's you asshole.