Thursday, September 17, 2009

Diane Birch Is My Birch.

Ok...I'm in love again. Miley has proven herself to be a tart. D you Miley, you pole-dancing teenage tramp! Peddle your std-ridden wares at your grandma's trailer park!

But in this time of utter and complete heartbreak, I have found an angel. An angel with the voice of an...I have found an angel. Her name is Diane Lucrecia Birch. She dropped the Lucrecia to distance herself from her ethnic heritage, she's half Black Irish. But regardless of her checkered background, she sings like a bird with human vocal cords and a set of angel lungs. And she plays piano like a small man with 6 fingers on his left hand and up to 9 fingers on his right hand.

The album is called Bible Belt and it's very religious. The track 'Rise Up' is a plea to renounce God and enjoy life. The song 'ChooChoo' deals with the reality of burning in hell for eternity and how fun it will be. And then there's 'Forgiveness' which starts off with Hallelujah! I feel like I just went to church!

Todd's Take!

I love you Diane. I dream of giving you long, wet kisses on your Adam's apple. I want to serve you a large plate of linguine with basil marinade, topped with mouth-watering turkey-loaf balls filled with onion and cilantro flakes, and a side of Texas toast moistened with garlic butter. Please call me Daines! I will let you eat it the concoction off of my lower back like in the olden days. I'm a giving lover. Let's kiss!

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